The new Breed of Road-Terrorist is Here!

Life With Kermie

18 June

Life With Kermie

They disregard speed limits. They are particularly adept at tail-gating. They can drive with the mobile phone in one hand and often a ciggie in the other. If you let them in they never wave a thankyou - and we all know even pigs grunt!

Invariably this terrorist is young and female. Many of them are attractive to boot -that's how come I've noticed, you see. Lots of them are on P plates. I've even seen them putting on eyeliner at 100 clicks. Most of their late model Japanese buzz-boxes are obviously in need of repair 'cos the indicators only give one flash - or don't work at all.

I was tail-gated (while sitting on the speed limit) for 20 km by a car load of pretty-young-things not long ago. Finally came to a set of traffic lights and I hopped out of the car, went back and tapped on the driver's window. Very politely (truly, ruly!!) I asked the driver if she would mind not driving up my arse.

Well! It must've sounded different to her ears because I received a tirade of abuse from all in the car. I'm old - but not that old - and I know I wasn't passing wind at the time. They referred to parts of my anatomy that I don't even posses. And I was most disappointed at references to my fat gut as I had just lost 14kg! Then the pretty-young-female-driver planted the foot, ripping across the double lines to pass my car and tore off up the road with all aboard politely waving at me with their middle fingers. I took great pleasure in seeing them pulled up by a highway patrol cop a few K's further up the road. As I passed them I politely waved back to them in-kind.

Talking of politeness, I picked up on the truckies 'thankyou' many years ago - long before I drove one myself. I've used the right-left-right indicator wink for yonks - whether behind the wheel of a truck, or the trusty Territory.

Rarely these days do you see a sign of thanks from other motorists that you've just 'helped out'. Maybe it's because the side glass is now so darkly tinted that you can't see the friendly wave of thanks.

Recently a driver let me in front of him, pulling up to some traffic lights and I flicked the indicators in appreciation. I stopped at the lights a few metres ahead and the car pulling up next to me wound down his window and screamed at me to "Make up your f***ing mind where you're going, you w***er!

Some days you just can't win!

Take care of You!

Kermie

PS: My solicitor has advised me to say that the increased incidence of terrorist driving by young females is certainly in the minority - and of course it would not apply to readers of this esteemed publication.

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