Driving Over 60

Life With Kermie

25 June

Life with Kermie

The other Sunday morning I popped into the local Bakers Delight and asked for the standard loaf of 'Hi-Fibre, white sliced toast please'. While keeping one eye on the young lady who served me, to see if she had taken heed of the Work-Safe ad where the girl slices her fingers instead of the bread, my other eye picked up on a leaflet (pictured above) sitting on the counter.

The headline read 'Keeping Safe & Mobile – Free seminar for drivers aged 60+'. Obviously this turning 60 is still getting the better of me.

"What the bloody hell is this crap!" I beefed, as the girl returned to the counter. "Do they think that just because you're 60 you've got one foot in the grave. Let me tell you, I just turned 60 and guess what – I can still drive safely. Unlike kids today, I know where the indicator stalk is and I actually use it for more than one blink! I regularly check my brake lights to make sure they are operative. I check my mirrors and glance over my shoulder before changing lanes. When I have to pull up hard at traffic lights, I keep an eye on the rear vision mirror in case the car behind is going to run up my bum. I can back a 40 foot trailer into a space where kids can't park their Ford Fiestas. I reckon the reason car manufacturers have introduced self parking features on their cars is because kids can't back at all! I can change up and down through 18 gears where kids today have to have English lessons to learn what P, N and D mean on the auto transmission shift. I don't tailgate and I don't overtake where there are double lines! What's this bit about using alternative transport? Do they want to put me in one of those electric carts that REALLY old people use? And then there's this bit about keeping healthy and mobile. I've got a car – that's mobility! Never taken a sickie – I must be healthy! And they're going to talk about planning for your future mobility needs. I suppose they'll issue us all with a bloody walking stick! Safe driving strategies? I'll give you a good safe driving strategy. Get all the under 25's off the road!"

All the above was said in one continuous line. When I finally came up for breath, the young lady smiled sweetly, passed me my bread and said, "Sir, it is quite obvious that you don't need to attend this seminar – have you ever considered a course in anger management?"

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