Santa’s Christmas Nightmare!

Life With Kermie

24 Dec

I know, I know, I bring it out every year. So, if you’ve read it previously just skip on by with my very best to you and yours for a truly wonderful Christmas. For the rest of you….

Amazing isn't it? With just twelve reindeer under the bonnet, Santa can deliver pressies to all the kids across the world. Does it in one night as well.

Now that has to be one hell of a road-train!

Santa's never been booked either - although it’s only a matter of time....

Cop: Pull over driver.

Santa: Can you make this quick. I'm running late and my delivery window is very tight.

Don't tell me your problems mate! I'm here to enforce the law. Now let's see… No running lights - and don't tell me that the single red one up front is legal. Red lights are tail lights.

You try sticking a light on Rudolph's bum!

Not my problem son. Where are your Road Train signs...and your Long Load signs...and Your Wide Load signs?

But I fly!

Don't I know it! Got you clocked at 180. And you're on the road now. Let's see...Lack of signage and speeding and no headlights. We're up to about $4,500 already. Plain to see that you're overloaded as well. That's another couple of $G's. Not displaying a rego sticker..........No side lights. You're making my night!

I've never had an accident.

They all say that. Your load's not even tied down!

But, but...

No 'Buts' driver. Let's check out your tyres. Just as I thought - worn down to the skids. This just gets better and better. Looks like you've got a rear engine seal gone as well. Look at that trail of muck you've left on the road. Dangerous to other drivers that is. Open up the bonnet.

If I have to....

Twelve reindeer power! You must be kidding! Your power to weight ratio has got to be illegal..... And its leaking from every cylinder!

I've never had a problem before officer...

Shut it son and blow into this..... Aha! Twenty times the legal limit. Not your night is it?

People leave me food and drink...

And doesn't it show, fat boy! Pull out your log book.

Certainly. Here you go officer.

Bloody once-a-year truckies think you know everything. You haven't had your mandatory breaks.

But I have the rest of the year off to recuperate...

Yeah, yeah... Where's your licence.

I don't have one.

You are making my night. All my quotas in one go. This is like Christmas!

You've got two little kids haven't you officer?

Yeah. What of it?

I know where you live.

Threatening behaviour! That's it - take him away boys! Throw him in the cell with that dumb-arse Easter Rabbit that we picked up for carting fresh produce without refrigeration......

To all you Truckies and Truckettes - May other road users remember that without you there would be no presents under their Christmas trees. May your Christmas be a happy one. May you and your families enjoy the spirit of togetherness and most of all may you stay safe!

Merry Christmas to all and Take care of You

Kermie.