Tripping the Light Fandango (The Hume Highway)

In-depth

16 Nov

It’s been a while since I travelled the Hume Highway all the way to Sydney, thanks largely to Covid, but also because my last couple of trips north to Sydney have been by plane and were quick business trips. Having lived in that town for 22 years in the past, I have many friends there and was thinking it about time to get behind the wheel and go catch up.

Then the phone rang. It was the lovely and extremely proficient Clare Arthurs who handles Hino’s publicity. “Hi Kermie. Do you fancy a drive of one of our products? They are in Sydney at the moment, but we could organise a few days when they get to Melbourne….or you could drive one around Sydney for a couple of days if you like….or we could fly you up there and you could drive one back to Melbourne for us.”

Melbourne is old home street and a change is as good as a holiday. Drive around Sydney in a truck for a few days? I’d rather pull out my finger and toe nails with rusty pliers, one by one!

But an easy trip north, arrive the day before and catch up with some mates, get a good night’s sleep and spend a couple of days Cruisin’ The Hume ( I was going to say Haulin’ or Crawlin’ but those monikers have been taken by Bruce Gunter and Rob French and I can’t afford a law suit.) Now that sounds like a plan so I went for option 3. Hino even offered to put me up for a night along the way at a venue of my choice, but more on that later.

Living in Northern Victoria at Mootown is a long way from the airport – and the parking charges are horrendous – so I prevailed upon good friend, Suzanne to stay at her home the night before the flight, “and do you reckon you could run me out to Tulla the next day, you gorgeous, lovely, beautiful lady, you generous soul,” and as many other platitudes as I could muster. That not only saved me parking money but left the car much closer to the drop-off point for the Hino in Melbourne.

The next day, after a great dinner and too many Gins with Suzanne, I boarded a – surprisingly on time – flight to Sydney where old mate, Korchy picked me up at the airport. It’s been three years and Korchy and I don’t speak much on the phone – not that it matters because when we do it’s like yesterday.

So I was surprised when he guided me to a Volkswagen Golf. “Where’s the Turbo Porsche?” said me. He offered a one word answer that encompassed all questions I might have asked. “Retirement.”

Yep, that adequately explains the down-sizing. At least, the Golf is an ‘R’ model and moves like a scalded cat, whilst costing a tenth of the price to service. And he will always have the memories.

Off we head to meet up with Peter Gray, a mate of 49 years (as is Korchy) at a pub in downtown Clovelly. Peter was involved with Truckin’ Life as Ad Manager and brought me on board back in 2005 – or thereabouts – when it was still the doyen of trucking publications.

**Korchy, PG and me - The 3 Musketeers**

Since we last caught up, Pete has undergone a major operation for throat cancer and has a hernia the size of a watermelon (and I’m not exaggerating). “They rebuilt the mouth but can’t do anything about the hernia,” he says. “If they try and operate I’ll die on the table, and it could burst at any time and that’ll be the end of me, so it’s a waiting game. Wanna beer?” he finishes cheerily.

The rest of the arvo is spent reminiscing with these two old mates before Korchy drops me off north side at Waz and Anne’s where I’m to spend the night. Again, it’s been three plus years since we’ve caught up so there was lots to catch up on.

**Waz and Anne. “You want me to drive you where!?**

To Waz, living near Manly on Sydney’s Northern Beaches, a trip across the Harbour Bridge to drop me off at Hino’s Headquarters at Caringbah is akin to driving into enemy territory. Sydney-ites are so parochial about where they live. Nevertheless he braved the peak hour to take me there. Thanks Navman.

Dan Petrovski, Hino’s Manager of Product Strategy welcomed me and led me to my ‘steed’ for the trip south. Here I should explain that the truck in question was from the fleet that I’d driven briefly on a trip to Cairns and Townsville, and were in Sydney as part of a national tour.

When Clare Arthurs had approached me with the offer of an extended drive I was given a choice of vehicle. Hino’s range covers the 300, 500 and 700 Series (small, middle and big). For a trip down the Hume I’d decided on Big so the 700 Series it was. Then there were further choices. I’ve spent time in the Rigid and the Prime mover but, apart from an hour in the tipper and dog, I’ve not driven this arrangement before, so it was a no-brainer to choose this combination.

This the FS 2848 with a GVM of 28,000kg and a GCM of 63,000kg. The Euro 6 13 litre, 6 cylinder engine puts out 480hp and 2,157Nm from 1000-1500rpm. It is mated to the excellent ZF TraXon ZF16 Automated Manual (AMT) with the even more excellent 5 stage intarder. All the safety equipment is there: Vehicle Stability Control, Anti-lock Brakes, Pre-Collision System, Reverse buzzer and camera, Driver monitor and Safety Eye.

The interior is an appealing blend of brown and dark grey with faux carbon fibre highlights. I’d venture to say that it is one of the nicest cabs on the market, exuding an aura of classiness. As I’ve mentioned in past articles, go and buy a roll of anti-slip rubber matting to lay over some of the hard surfaced storage areas, but otherwise this interior gets a Big Tick.

The predominantly white truck is lifted by Hino’s advertising blurb on the sides of the tippers and their logo emblazoned on the cab doors. The standard Alcoa polished wheels also make the truck ‘pop’, along with that big shiny grill and bar.

The interior is reassuringly familiar as I climb up into the cab and set the route out of town on the multi-media screen. Up pop places I’ve heard of but thankfully mostly avoided in my 22 years of living in Sydney spanning the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. Miranda, Sylvania Waters, Hurstville, Penshurst and other towns come up on the screen.

Earlier I mentioned that I’d declined driving the truck around Sydney for a few days and that was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Let me state here and now that any of you who drive this town for a living are my heroes! Narrow lanes, traffic that make the Melbourne alternative seem like a dream run. I don’t know how you guys do it.

I’m trying to decide as I drive along whether I’ve made the right choice, or should I have gone with the Semi. Too late for regrets now as I keep a constant eye on the trailer that seems to be half a block behind me. Thankfully the steering is light and direct allowing me to (mostly) keep in the narrow suburban lanes. Before you write to tell me what a wuzz I am, remember that I don’t drive trucks for a living – at least not on a daily basis. But if I wanted a yet another reason to champion what you lot do for a living, I had it on that trip out to the M5.

Finally I’m on the Hume and it’s time to set the adaptive cruise control and sit back and relax. Except I can’t! It’s got nothing to do with the Hino or its terrific Isri seats. No, this is all about our premier highway. Maybe I should go back to the headline and change ‘Light Fandango’ to Bloody Potholes!

This road is a disgrace. And its disgracefulness is magnified by being in a big truck with its necessarily stiff suspension. I can just imagine what it’s like in American derived machine. It’s not just potholes – there’s surface rippling, road repairs that need repairing, and just about everything else that could be wrong with a road. In a car these defects are nowhere as noticeable, but in a truck....

I’m grateful for two things. One is that the Hino is loaded to 80% of its gross with rock and the other is the auto trannie. At least I only have to worry about avoiding the worst of the tarmac.

The day passes and I’m getting closer to my destination for the night – The Woomargama Pub. Hino were happy to pay for a night anywhere of my choosing and my memories of Woomargama and its excellent food came to the fore. Plenty of parking and clean motel rooms adjoining the pub made it my pick. Only one problem. It’s Monday night and the joint doesn’t serve food on Mondays. Bugger!

Darkness has fallen. I could turn back to Holbrook to get a bite, grab a bit of sleep without food or just keep going. Oh well, it’s a chance to see if the Hino’s headlights are any good so I decide on the latter and climb back in the cab to head on home to Mootown for the night. It’s a tick for the headlights which give a decent spread on both low and high beams.

Turning off the Hume to head up the Benalla Rd, they proved their worth with a couple of roos bouncing out on the road ahead of me – far enough away to let me slow down safely. Arriving home around 1am I fall into bed, feeling surprisingly good after – what for me is – a decent hike. Hours in the Isri have proven their quality and given the state of Highway 31, the truck handled with aplomb. I fall asleep and dream of being swallowed by a bottomless pothole – truck and all.

The truck is not due back at Hino Prestige until Thursday but we have a funeral to attend on the Wednesday and the car is in Melbourne. No worries, I’ll unhook the trailer and Rita can experience my truck driving prowess. Climbing down out of a truck in a suit and Rita in her finery at a non-trucking funeral certainly attracted attention. Arriving back home it was time to hook up the trailer again. Do you think I could get the hydraulic hose back on? (Remember this is my first go at this). Try as I might I couldn’t get it in place.

I go to the garage to get a tyre lever in the hope that it will do the job. I return to the truck to find my neighbour, Fred, has garnered assistance from a passer-by who’d popped it in place with ease. “How’d you know to ask him?” I ask.” “Easy,” says Fred. “He has polo on with a trucking company’s name on it.”

“Want me to show you,” says our new mate.

“Nah,” says me. “Think I’ll quit while you’re ahead.”

Thursday morning and it’s on the road again: The Goulburn Valley Highway this time then through Seymour, Yea, down The Slide to Yarra Glen which reminded me yet again that Hino’s intarder is the best in the business by a good margin, then through the ‘burbs to Dandenong. I’ll never complain about Melbourne’s roads or lane width ever again.

Did I like the Hino 700 in this guise? I did indeed. It cruised a crap highway with aplomb, it traversed windy county roads with great stability, the cab is quiet no matter the terrain, is very classy and the safety features are right up there.

I’d be remiss to not mention Chris’s Body Builders who supplied the tippers. They are superbly built.

If you have to travel The Hume and all it’s ‘fandangoed’ I’d suggest flying over it is the best course of action. This road is simply not up to scratch for Australia’s most used highway. In a truck though, the Hino 700 FS does it as well as any. And if you’re not in need of a tipper setup, Hino offer a myriad of truck combos to suit.