Merry Christmas

Life With Kermie

24 Dec

Life with Kermie

Wow, what a year! And one that most of us will be glad to see the end of, no doubt. For many it’s been one of self-discovery. “Can I live with my other half 24/7?” Or possibly and more importantly, “Can they live with me 24/7?”

It’s been a scary, nervous time for many but I reckon here in Australia – for the most part - we’ve come through it with good humour and resilience. We’ve by and large done the right thing and consequently find ourselves in a better position than most of the world. We deserve a collective pat on the back.

You guys who’ve been out on the road all year deserve a medal! You have been as every bit front line as the Medicos, Police and other bodies who have stood front and centre for Australia. Congratulations to you all. I am proud to be associated with this industry.

Tomorrow hopefully, you will all be sitting down with your families and loved ones to enjoy the opening of presents and work with gusto on overloading stomachs. May it be a day of peace and joy for you all.

Rita and I have had our Christmas Day early, catching up with our Tom, Laura and Nick at Tom and Laura’s home – the first time we’ve had a Christmas at theirs, and the first time Rita has not had to cook the Christmas dinner! Tom’s culinary skills were on display and I am in awe of his talent. Beats my Spag Bol speciality by a ways!

This is what he and Laura presented to us…

Entrée: Mixed Cheeses/ Big River Prawns with homemade 1000 Island dressing (not had that since the ‘80’s)/ Oysters Kilpatrick/ Japanese style Oysters/ Scallops seared and deglazed with Miso/ Spinach and Fetta Pies.

Main: Moroccan Lamb, slow cooked for 18 hours in a homemade stock/ Ham (of course)/ Caprice Salad (buffalo mozzarella, tomato and basil drizzled with balsamic reduction – simple yet glorious)/ Mixed Grain Roast Pumpkin Salad (the pomegranate seeds were an interesting and delicious addition)/ Roast Vegies of every description including beetroot and radish (yum!)

Dessert: Laura’s Lemon/Myrtle Native Australian herbed Muffins with mixed berries and homemade ice-cream.

All this was swallowed down with various cocktails.

Now I’ve possible bored you all but he is my boy and as I said, I’m super proud of what he is achieving in his profession. Of course we ate way too much.

So tomorrow, Rita and I are putting together a picnic, going to sit on the shore of Lake Mulwala and watch the world go by.

……..

Years ago I wrote a piece entitled Santa’s Christmas Nightmare. I consider it to be one of my finer moments of literary genius (LOL) and so pull it out every year. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it all those years ago. This year you can also hear a recorded version on Mike and Andy’s On The Road Podcast which will up on Truckin With Kermie tomorrow. Thanks to my great mate, Don Wishart for playing Santa.

Merry Christmas to one and all and please, please, Take Care of You.

SANTA’S CHRISTMAS NIGHTMARE

Amazing isn't it? With just twelve reindeer under the bonnet, the world’s most productive Truckie, Santa, can deliver pressies to all the kids across the world. Does it in one night as well.

Now that has to be one hell of a road-train!

Santa's never been booked either - although it’s only a matter of time....

Cop: Pull over driver.

Santa: Can you make this quick. I'm running late and my delivery window is very tight.

Don't tell me your problems son. I'm here to enforce the law. Now let's see:- No running lights - and don't tell me that the single red one up front is legal. Red lights are tail lights.

You try sticking a light on Rudolph's bum!

Not my problem son. Where are your Road Train signs...and your Long Load signs...and Your Wide Load signs?

But I fly!

Don't I know it! Got you clocked at 180. And you're on the road now. Let's see..Lack of signage and speeding and no headlights. We're up to about $4,500 already. Plain to see that you're overloaded as well. That's another couple of G's. Not displaying a rego sticker..........No side lights. You're making my night son!

I've never had an accident.

They all say that. Your load's not even tied down!

But, but...

No 'Buts' driver. Let's check out your tyres. Just as I thought - worn down to the skids. This just gets better and better. Looks like you've got a rear engine seal gone as well. Look at that trail of muck you've left on the road. Dangerous to other drivers that is. Open up the bonnet.

If I have to....

Twelve reindeer power! You must be kidding! Your power to weight ratio has got to be illegal..... And it’s leaking from every cylinder!

I've never had a problem before officer...

Shut it son and blow into this..... Aha! Twenty times the legal limit. Not your night is it?

People leave me food and drink...

And doesn't it show, fat boy! Pull out your log book.

Certainly. Here you go officer.

Bloody once-a-year truckies think you know everything. You haven't had your mandatory breaks.

But I have the rest of the year off to recuperate...

Yeah, yeah.. Where's your licence.

I don't have one

You are making my night. All my quotas in one go. This is like Christmas!

You've got two little kids haven't you officer?

Yeah. What of it?

I know where you live.

Threatening behaviour! That's it - take him away boys! Throw him in the cell with that dumb-arse Easter Rabbit that we picked up for carting fresh produce without refrigeration......

To all you Truckies and Truckettes - May other road users remember that without you there would be no presents under their Christmas trees. May your Christmas be a happy one. May you and your families enjoy the spirit of togetherness and most of all may you stay safe!

Merry Christmas to all and Take care of You

Kermie.

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