LIFE WITH KERMIE: “I’ll get you, you Bastard!”

Life With Kermie

10 Sept

Toyota_Landcruiser_70_series_bull_bar_kit_front_side_1024x1024.jpeg

…. I presume this was the conversation the driver of the Toyota Landcruiser (with a bull bar that would do a Western Star proud) was having with himself, as he nudged into the rear of my car at 90kph.

I'd pulled up at a T-section to hang a left, and saw the 'Cruiser, way - and I mean way - down the road, passing another car. I knew I had heaps of time to turn into the road and get up to speed before he reached me. I thought I was a pretty good judge of speed, but this bloke was up my arse before I could say, "Jeez, that bloke's up my arse!"

I'm not talking tail-gating of the usual three or four feet. It was more like 6 inches. For those of you old enough to remember, it was like a scene out of Duel - where Dennis Weaver spent an hour and a half with his rear view mirror filled by the grill of the Truck from Hell.

Normally when someone tailgates me, I dab the brake pedal while keeping the power on. This usually gives them an incentive to put a bit of space between us. In this case it wouldn't have worked because he was too close to see the brake lights. Instead I flung my arm out my window and angrily waved at him to back off. That was when he decided a nudge up my bum (on the spare wheel) would get me out of his way. The nudge was enough for the poor old RAV 4 to jiggle around a bit - and it scared the living hell out of me!

I frantically looked for a place to pull off the road, when he decided that he was going to pass me - double lines or not. As he did, I saluted him and pulled up to regain my composure (Read: I'd like to have changed my undies, if I'd had a spare pair on board).

To my horror the prick pulled up in front of me. (Mental note: Always carry TWO spare pairs of Jocks.) He sat there for what seemed to me to be an eternity, but was in fact, probably no more than a few seconds, before churning gravel and heading on his way.

What is it with these people? It wasn't like I was doing 50 clicks. I'd have happily gotten out of his way if I'd been given the chance. A wet road and a slightly harder nudge and I may not be here writing this. The world is turning into a sadder place when people act like this to others, seemingly because getting there thirty seconds earlier is more important than life itself. One day an innocent party is going to come to grief at the hands of this bloke. I'm glad it wasn't me.

Does anyone know if you can buy brown Jocks?