LIFE WITH KERMIE - Being Politically Correct

Life With Kermie

30 Oct

At a magazine I once worked for, there was a client who advertised their product using a photograph of a nubile young lass who was well endowed and scantily covered. Another client was offended at this and, “Whilst not, in any way trying to tell the magazine what to do, we will not continue to advertise if you choose to continue to run this type of ad.”

Now like it or not, advertising is the ‘bank’ by which we all survive. The Publisher is not God. Neither is the Editor. And me? Mate, I was lucky to get on the radar at all! No, the God of publishing is the ad-salesman who brings in enough dosh for us all to have a job.

Because the complaining client spent more on advertising than Scantily-Clad-Young-Female-Thing advertiser, the latter was approached and asked if they would mind running a different ad. Very obligingly they agreed and changed the picture in the ad to that of a bloke whose toupee had fallen drastically to one side – probably from trying to get a better perve on Scantily-Clad-Young-Female-Thing. This made complaining advertiser happy and I continued to draw an income.

But hang on a mo… I saw the last of my hair sailing down the bath plug some 20 years ago. I now have a shaving mirror strategically placed so that it reflects nothing above the eyebrows. On the odd occasion that I catch a full facial in some uncaring sod’s reflective, the good looking young fella that once used to stare back at me has been replaced by a mixture of too much McD’s, Hungry’s, KFC and a variety of Scotch whose heritage is, in the main, highly questionable.

Did I complain about Mr. Toupee being politically incorrect? Of course not! I needed every bit of hard-earned I could get. Did the original offended advertiser complain? Not a bit of it. Obviously bald blokes with ill-fitting wigs were ‘de-rigueur’ as far as they were concerned.

Fact is that you can walk down any street in any town these days, and most women of all ages are flashing more breast than Pretty-Young-Thing. There seems to be a competition as to who can fit the most into the smallest bra cup. Bras are no longer just to lift and separate. They are to LIFT ‘EM UP, SHOVE ‘EM OUT and BE-SEEN-DOING-IT! They do it in an amazing array of colours too. They are no longer just a means of support; they are a highly visible fashion statement. Personally I hope we never return to the Lady Di look.

Political correctness seems to ebb and flow. Irish jokes are supposed to be politically incorrect, yet the Irish tell ‘em better that anyone else. When I was a lad, if my Old Man said “Bugger!” I knew to exit-stage-right at a million miles an hour. Toyota changed all that and made the term commonplace with a talking dog.

Nowadays – whilst I’ll, for the benefit of these pages – take a holiday to Phu-ket, this charming Thai city is now commonplace in the vocabulary of 8 year olds. Seems they’re teaching Geography in schools again.

A mate was the National Advertising Manager of a trucking publication when he received a call from the Madame of a well established and highly reputed brothel on the outskirts of Sydney.

“Darlinnn,” purred the Madame in velvety tones. “I’d like to buy a full-page, colour advertisement every month. I’ll pay full rate and I’ll pay cash up front.”

Ad revenue was down at the time and any income would have been welcomed. With a sigh, my mate explained that he would love to take her business but …. “It wouldn’t sit well with the reader and that the publication probably wasn't the right profile for her business.”

“Honey, y’all come on down here anytime and it’ll be my shout,” she purred. “And when you do, I’ll show you my car park. I’m looking out the window at it now, and all I can see are Mack’s and Kenworth’s.”

To my mate's eternal regret he declined the offer.

**Illustrative purposes only. This is not the car park in question so stop looking for someone you may know.**

What was politically correct yesterday probably won't be tomorrow and what isn't politically correct today could well be. Guess it all depends on how much money you have.