Life with Kermie: A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE TRUCK SHOW

Life With Kermie

23 Oct

One of the funniest stories ever recounted to me…

Rod Allen bought his old banger from Robbie French years ago and he loves it! A 1967 W model Kenworth, it is old and stands naked in all its original glory. Powered by a Detroit V8 871T, which amazingly purrs like a newborn kitten, it still has the original two diff centres and gearbox. Over its lifetime, the W has done a huge amount of work. The last two years of its life was spent on the Ballarat bypass pulling a 100 ton belly dumper which is no mean feat for a 38 ton rated truck. It was originally one of Bruce McPhee's fleet – supposedly one of his slowest with a top speed of 97 km/h. Its originality even extends to its tyres, which is where this story really starts.

Rod was headed for the Sandown Truck Show. Cruising down the highway he looks in his rear vision mirror to see the police car flashing reds and blues, and headlights flashing at him.

“Jeez, this is going to be big,” he thinks to himself.

The tyres you see, aren't in the best of nick. One has half the recap missing. The others have no tread. The copper is standing at the back of the truck.

"What's the go with the tyres?"

"Why, what's wrong with them?"

"Well, for a start they've got no f**king tread on them!"

"They look like they've got tread on them to me."

"Where?"

"Well every time I drive, it actually looks like they're getting more tread on them."

"How could that be?"

"Must be something to do with skidding on the bitumen. I swear they look better than they did last week."

"Really? Why don't you get some new f**king tyres?"

"If I do that I'm going to totally f**k the originality of the truck. This truck has something over 5,000,000 km on the clock and every kilometre shows. What would you do with a brand-new set of tyres on a truck like this? It would just look ridiculous."

"You got a permit?"

"Yeah."

"Where is it?"

"Under the seat somewhere."

"It's supposed to be on the windscreen!"

"I didn't even read it – I just chucked it in the truck."

"Are you for real?"

"Yeah."

"Well, the best thing you can do is just piss off, and if anyone asks you, you never f**king saw me!"

And with that, head down and shaking, the copper gets back in his candy car and drives off.

Maybe there is a God.